....for a plus sign!
Ever since I was younger I've dreamed of being a mom. Than in high school I became an aunt and my world changed for the better. I've loved every minute with my wonderful dozen of nieces and nephews. But it always made me want to be a mom that much more. I found myself watching all my sisters and tucking tid bits of motherhood aside in a little file in my mind for that "one day" when it would be our turn.
Trav and I have wanted kids for a long time.....a really long time. But the timing was never right and we were so blessed to share a few years of marriage together to grow, be adventurous, and prepare for parenthood. As soon as I finished nursing school I thought that for sure it would be our time. Of course, my time and God's time have never been the same thing so I spent months praying every month that Aunt Flow would not visit and found myself taking pregnancy tests just because. Trav, the more level headed one in our marriage, reminded me that it was not up to us when we would have a baby. No matter what we did or didn't do, ultimately it was in the Lord's hands and He already knew when the "right time" would be. After alot of prayer, Trav and I both let go. We were ready to step back and let God's plan unfold. And did it ever.
For the past few years we have both felt as if there have been a lot of steps backwards. While we watched many others around us move forward we both always felt like we were either stuck or taking a step back. Silly, I know, but it felt that as much as we prayed and tried to rely on His plan, there were just no answers. After many job rejections I landed a series of interviews. One being with Kaiser. I almost didn't go. I showed up to the interview and almost left. I bombed my second interview and bawled my eyes out. Th next day they called and offered me a job. I just about fell off my seat. Months...years....of planning and praying to be a working nurse, the Lord opened up a job at Kaiser of all places.
Soon after we began searching for places to live and found where we were going to move. ( Plans have changed since than.) We began seeing how in both our jobs things were slowly falling into place. Finally. The following weekend we celebrated a dear friend as she graduated nursing school. The prior week I had been feeling off. Really tired and just not normal. After the grad party I had some time so of course I went to browse at Target, a favorite past time. On a whim I bought a pregnancy test. I still don't know why. I came home to an empty house where while I was getting ready to go out for the night with friends I took it. While waiting for the results I literally had a conversation with myself about how silly I was for buying one and wishfully thinking it could be positive. Before going back in I had a nice chat with God about how I will keep letting go and continue trying to be patient for His timing. I almost through the test away without looking at it. But one glimpse was all I needed. This is what I saw.....
My reaction: I screamed. Looked at it again. Squealed. Burst into tears of a joy I had not felt before. Trav was working late and all I wanted to do was tell him. But I had to wait. I went out with friends and found myself shaking the whole night because I could not believe it. Trav met us after work but I encouraged that we leave and get food. There was not a chance I could be in the same room as him and not tell him.
We drove to In n Out ( classy, right?) and I handed him a gift. He opened it to find these:
He looked in the bag and back at me. Of course, I was sitting there with tears spilling all over the place. And than, my big strong husband, formed tears the size of giant rain drops and said, " Really? We really are?" Yup! If you have ever seen an excited Trav you can envision our next hour. Before anything, he wanted to make sure we got ahold of Katie before she left for Europe for a weeks. He was bubbling over on the phone. We went inside to eat and Trav was in such awe he couldn't stop talking. He was so excited he was pacing around inside waiting for our food and kept saying," I'm going to be a dad!" We stayed up late, taking another test, offering up prayers of thanks, and talking about this next journey.
We didn't wait to tell our family. I had many plans on how we would tell my parents and the Hardemans but they were tossed out the window. We were too excited, I couldn't wait a whole month to tell my parents, and we wanted to share our joy with those we love so much!
We cannot wait to add a member to our quickly growing families. We cannot wait to see our baby held and loved on by his/her many aunts, uncles, and cousins. After being there for the births of our nieces and nephews to watching them grow up, we cannot wait to see them holding our child. God is so good and we are in awe of His timing and faithfulness.
"Every good an perfect gift comes from above." James 1:17