Our first ultrasound was done at 8 weeks; a little earlier than planned. This ultrasound feels like ages ago but it was only over a month.
It was a regular Saturday morning. Trav was at work and I woke up to find I was home alone. Curling up on the couch with some breakfast and my computer I became lost in the world of pinterest. As usual, I had to get up to use the restroom, my new favorite past time. As I went to flush ( sorry for the graphics) I realized the toilet was filled with blood. My first reaction was shock. I left the bathroom and sat on the couch. I didn't have any cramping. I didn't feel different. What was going on. I called my mom and sister which is where I than began to freak out. They both said: go be seen...now. As a shaking, tearful mess I call the nurse advice line for Kaiser who said the same thing, " Always come in with blood."
Trav received a somewhat frantic phone call. I could barely get the words out. Without hesitating he told me he would leave work and meet me at the hospital in Irvine that we would deliver at. From his calming voice to constant texts he kept reminding me that God was in control and would protect our little babe.
The drive to the hospital I spent talking to my sisters and mom who were already praying their hearts out. When I couldn't talk anymore, I turned up the Fish and tried to focus on just getting to the hospital When we went inside we didn't even get a chance to sit down. As soon as they found out I was pregnant they took me right back to my room where the OB cart and everything was already waiting for me. The doctor was in within minutes. Since we hadn't had our pregnancy "confirmed" he ordered an ultrasound, along with blood work, IV fluids, and exams.
The nurse came into to tell me I needed a full bladder for the ultrasound and it would probably take 45 minutes. Trav and I both laughed while I replied, " Give me 7 minutes and I will have to go." With the IV fluids and large glass of ice water, I think it took 3 :) The ultrasound tech came in to grab me and she told Trav that we would be right back. The panicky feeling returned. Wait, my husband can't come with me?!? She informed us that in the ED it is patients only and he would have to wait. That may have been the worse kind of torture for both of us.
By the time we wheeled into the room, I was on the shaky side. Every thought was running through my head. What if something is wrong with our child? Something that can't be fixed or saved? What if it's already to late? What if...what if...what if. I had to tune my rapidly running, worse scenario mind out with singing my favorite praise song.
Our ultrasound tech was not bubbly sweet kind. In fact, she took the monitor and turned it so I could not see. I wanted to cry. Please just let me see our baby. In response, I turned the opposite way and focused in on a spot on the wall while she clicked ad checked away. What felt like an hour later she casually said, " You can see your baby in a minute." What! The baby! Is he/she ok? As those thoughts were going through my mind she turned the volume on and I heard the most beautiful sound I have ever heard: our baby's heart beat. It was the faster lil "lub dub" but it was beautiful and I again found myself a weeping mess. I looked at the tech and managed to say, " everything is ok?" As she replied she turned the screen and this is what I saw:
She told me our baby had a strong, healthy heart beat. You could even see all four heart chamber moving in rhythm. I was overjoyed. But I wanted to get back to Trav to tell him! As we came back into the room, my sweet husband was sitting in his chair and I knew he had spent the past 15 minutes wondering what was going on with us. As the tech left the room she looked at Trav and said, " Congratulations, Dad!" His jaw dropped and he looked at me. I handed him the picture of his child and I think his jaw dropped a little more. With tear filled eyes he said, " That's our baby. " We rejoiced in our little hospital room and thanked the Lord for keeping him/her safe.
The doctor came back in to tell us what had happened. I was put on miscarriage precautions until cleared by my OBGYN. Which meant doing nothing that turned out to be much harder than I had thought. We were thankful for all of our family who flooded our phones with comforting texts and lifted us up in prayer throughout the afternoon. We definitely felt some peace through that. We came home to enjoy dinner with our Hardeman support team.
Baby Hardeman is one lucky child to be coming into a family that is filled with so much love and who is always there to support.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
To say Trav is going to be a great dad is probably the biggest understatement I could say. He is going to be a terrific dad. A one of a kind. He's simply a natural.
Knowing this was one of the reasons I fell in love with him. After meeting him, before we started dating, I brought him to dinner at my parents where at that time we only had 4 nieces and nephews running around. Although nervous with the family he immediately took to the kids. A month later Hudson B. was born and Trav waited up at night with me to hear the news and than asked to come to the hospital to meet him. Without a blink Trav treated my sister's kids as if they were his own. He loved on them, played for hours, and never said no when they asked him to do something. Over the next few years between our sisters 8 more were added to the mix and Trav loved each of them more each day. From endless hide and seek games, to movie nights, day dates, and slumber parties he melted my heart with what a natural he was.
To think of Trav with our child makes me even more giddy for April. I cannot wait to see our baby snuggled up in his arms.
Trav will be a dad who....
....never says no. I can't say I've ever heard him say no to a niece or nephew. He is always up for riding scooters, playing hide n seek, watching cartoons, playing a game, shooting hoops or throwing a baseball, going swimming, and more. Our kids are going to be awfully lucky!
....disciplines with love. He is the most patient, gentle, and kind person I know. Having never raised his voice at me or been angry, I know he is going to be a great leader and a great example to our kids of having such a kind heart. While I know he will discipline, I also know it will come from love and what is best for our kids.
....always laugh. There will be times when we are burnt out or our kids are sad, but Trav always manages to find the good in a situation and make people smile. Our house will be filled with laughter.
....prays. Baby H has been added to our daily prayer list and this is only the beginning of years to come for praying for our children. A few weeks ago I kept waking up in the morning remembering Trav's hand on my abdomen. I thought I was going crazy and having weird dreams that always ended up with his hand there. I finally asked him if I was indeed crazy and he responded with," No, when you are already asleep I like to put my hand on our baby while I pray for him/her." My heart melted. Our baby is so blessed.
....encourages. He will without a doubt push our kids for greatness and encourage them the whole way.
.... leads by example. My prayer has been our children would grow up following in the footsteps of their dad and the kind of person he is. From a kind heart, to a sense of humor, a love for others, and a life devoted to Christ, our kids will have quite the dad to look up to!
....loves. Having one of the biggest hearts I know, love is going to pour out all over our kids. No matter what goes wrong or what mistakes are made, Trav is going to love our kids to pieces. He will set an example for loving others no matter what and to always put those you love before yourself.
I could go on and on but those are the highlights. While the Lord has been preparing Trav for fatherhood his whole life, the past 7 years we have been together He has used our nieces and nephews to help prepare Trav for the dad he would one day be. Click on the link and the pictures will give you a glimpse....
He's Going to be a Great Dad!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
....for a plus sign!
Ever since I was younger I've dreamed of being a mom. Than in high school I became an aunt and my world changed for the better. I've loved every minute with my wonderful dozen of nieces and nephews. But it always made me want to be a mom that much more. I found myself watching all my sisters and tucking tid bits of motherhood aside in a little file in my mind for that "one day" when it would be our turn.
Trav and I have wanted kids for a long time.....a really long time. But the timing was never right and we were so blessed to share a few years of marriage together to grow, be adventurous, and prepare for parenthood. As soon as I finished nursing school I thought that for sure it would be our time. Of course, my time and God's time have never been the same thing so I spent months praying every month that Aunt Flow would not visit and found myself taking pregnancy tests just because. Trav, the more level headed one in our marriage, reminded me that it was not up to us when we would have a baby. No matter what we did or didn't do, ultimately it was in the Lord's hands and He already knew when the "right time" would be. After alot of prayer, Trav and I both let go. We were ready to step back and let God's plan unfold. And did it ever.
For the past few years we have both felt as if there have been a lot of steps backwards. While we watched many others around us move forward we both always felt like we were either stuck or taking a step back. Silly, I know, but it felt that as much as we prayed and tried to rely on His plan, there were just no answers. After many job rejections I landed a series of interviews. One being with Kaiser. I almost didn't go. I showed up to the interview and almost left. I bombed my second interview and bawled my eyes out. Th next day they called and offered me a job. I just about fell off my seat. Months...years....of planning and praying to be a working nurse, the Lord opened up a job at Kaiser of all places.
Soon after we began searching for places to live and found where we were going to move. ( Plans have changed since than.) We began seeing how in both our jobs things were slowly falling into place. Finally. The following weekend we celebrated a dear friend as she graduated nursing school. The prior week I had been feeling off. Really tired and just not normal. After the grad party I had some time so of course I went to browse at Target, a favorite past time. On a whim I bought a pregnancy test. I still don't know why. I came home to an empty house where while I was getting ready to go out for the night with friends I took it. While waiting for the results I literally had a conversation with myself about how silly I was for buying one and wishfully thinking it could be positive. Before going back in I had a nice chat with God about how I will keep letting go and continue trying to be patient for His timing. I almost through the test away without looking at it. But one glimpse was all I needed. This is what I saw.....
My reaction: I screamed. Looked at it again. Squealed. Burst into tears of a joy I had not felt before. Trav was working late and all I wanted to do was tell him. But I had to wait. I went out with friends and found myself shaking the whole night because I could not believe it. Trav met us after work but I encouraged that we leave and get food. There was not a chance I could be in the same room as him and not tell him.
We drove to In n Out ( classy, right?) and I handed him a gift. He opened it to find these:
He looked in the bag and back at me. Of course, I was sitting there with tears spilling all over the place. And than, my big strong husband, formed tears the size of giant rain drops and said, " Really? We really are?" Yup! If you have ever seen an excited Trav you can envision our next hour. Before anything, he wanted to make sure we got ahold of Katie before she left for Europe for a weeks. He was bubbling over on the phone. We went inside to eat and Trav was in such awe he couldn't stop talking. He was so excited he was pacing around inside waiting for our food and kept saying," I'm going to be a dad!" We stayed up late, taking another test, offering up prayers of thanks, and talking about this next journey.
We didn't wait to tell our family. I had many plans on how we would tell my parents and the Hardemans but they were tossed out the window. We were too excited, I couldn't wait a whole month to tell my parents, and we wanted to share our joy with those we love so much!
We cannot wait to add a member to our quickly growing families. We cannot wait to see our baby held and loved on by his/her many aunts, uncles, and cousins. After being there for the births of our nieces and nephews to watching them grow up, we cannot wait to see them holding our child. God is so good and we are in awe of His timing and faithfulness.
"Every good an perfect gift comes from above." James 1:17