Pinned ya

When the talk of our nursing pinning ceremony began, the only thing that would come to my mind was the quote from the Lion King, " Pinned ya. Pinned ya again!" =)

Most wonder what a pinning ceremony is. No, it's not graduation. I will still walk in May like any other college graduate. But this is a special, intimate ceremony specifically for nurses to celebrate the accomplishment as well as it is a tradition that has been passed on for many, many years. It is a way for the faculty we had throughout the program to "pin" us as an RN showing we made the transition from student to colleague. 

At first I was not going to go. My school had declared we could only bring one guest, our pinner. My parents cannot make my graduation in May ( actually, I don't know if I can either!) so they decided to come out for the pinning even if they could not come in. After much thought, I realized I needed to be at this ceremony. I have worked way too hard and wanted this way too much to not take part in it. We were planning on just eating dinner with my parents after to celebrate but they ended up letting them come in for the ceremony which was such a blessing. My parents have been down this road with me through the good and the bad so I wanted them there more than anything.

As I was pinned a message I had written for Trav was read. He leaned down to hug me and gave me an awkward kiss. ( I told him before hand not to kiss me in front of everyone because I am awkward. Well, sweet Trav did anyways and I, of course, made it an awkward moment!) One of my favorite professors handed me my Florence Nightengale lantern that I will say I am proud to own. Florence used to carry a lantern through the battle field as she helped the wounded. They said when they saw the light they knew help and comfort was coming. So each student is given one and we light each others to symbolize the healing we will always bring to those who come our way. After that we recited the Florence Nightengale  Pledge. I felt so silly but through the whole thing my eyes were filled with tears and that pledge caused them to spill out. 

 

I solemnly pledge myself before God and presence of this assembly;
To pass my life in purity and to practice my profession faithfully.
I will abstain from whatever is deleterious and mischievous
   and will not take or knowingly administer any harmful drug.
I will do all in my power to maintain and elevate the standard of my profession
   and will hold in confidence all personal matters committed to my keeping
   and family affairs coming to my knowledge in the practice of my calling.
With loyalty will I endeavor to aid the physician in his work,
   and devote myself to the welfare of those committed to my care.

It was a beautiful ceremony that recognized everything I have worked so hard for. I am so glad Trav and my parents were able to be a part of it.I know how proud my parents were and I think that is another thing that made it so special. Wherever we went that weekend my dad would tell people," Well, we are here because Emma is done with nursing school and officially an RN" with a huge smile on his face. ( Secretly I think he didn't think I would ever finish a program because I would give up!) But I didn't give up Dad....and I didn't get pregnant during it either! ( another concern ;)


Now it's time to find a job.......

Two Simple Letters

RN.

Emma Hardeman, RN.

Whew, that really does look good. Who knew that two simple letters could completely change my life. And who knew it would be such a challenge to earn them!

The road to becoming an registered nurse was by no means a short, quick, and easy one. It wasn't like hopping on the 55 freeway to head straight to Newport. Instead, it was similar to heading up the curvy road to Big Bear, getting lost, hitting a few road blocks, trudging uphill against all the bad weather, and finally making it to the destination.

I should have always known I would be a nurse. In 2nd grade I choose Clara Barton for a class book ( shoe box ) project. In 3rd grade, I choose Florence Nightingale. In 4th grade I began reading Cherry Ames novels. Mystery + nursing = captured my heart. I used to line up all the dolls and animals in my room to make a hospital. I was fascinated. I was intrigued. I was born to be a nurse.

But when the time came for me to decide where I would attend college and what I would do with my life I let fear overcome me. I remember sitting in my dad's office at the high school talking about the future. He looked right at me and said," You are supposed to be a nurse. You will be incredible. Go for it, Emma." But of course, I didn't. I wanted to go to Concordia. I loved music and my sister who was my music teacher was my inspiration....I wanted to be like her in so many ways. I started taking the education and music classes only to realize I was not born with the gift He had blessed my sister with. While it was my passion and I truly love to sing, as a career it was not where He was calling me.

My dad used to leave cards on the steps at home of Army and Navy nurses or local nursing jobs. His sly way of reminding me that even though I didn't think so, my dad knew it was the right field for me. At CUI, they gave us this test that "showed" areas to work in that utilized our strengths. Can you guess my number one? Nursing. Can you guess what was close to the end of the list? Teaching. ( Surprisingly "Chef" was 2nd on the list. haha) 

When I finally choose to face my fears and go after not only my heart but to where I could feel God was leading me I was hit with road block after road block. Classes I needed at junior colleges were full. Azusa told me to "hang around" for another year, taking random classes, to sit on a waiting list. I became an LVN simply to bypass the wait list for nursing programs. After that was complete and I was ready to begin my RN program, God had to once again remind me how badly I wanted this. I was told my classes I had already taken were expired and needed to be re-done. It was one thing after another.

Looking back, I can see so many times that I could have easily given up. But I didn't. ( Although, trust me, there were days I wanted to!) If it wasn't for my famiy and friends constantly encouraging and supporting me, I probably would have. If it wasn't for the fact that I know without a doubt in my mind this is where the Lord has called me, I would have. My sister told me along the way, " The things you want most in life are the hardest." Wow, was she ever right!

This program, this journey, was the hardest thing I have done. I gave up an awful lot to get to this point. Trav and I made huge sacrifices. I had to suck it up and say," No" to hanging with friends or playing hide and seek with my nephews. I had to shut out the world on most days so I could study, read, and take practice exams until my mind was numb. 

But we made it. My boards are over with and I am officially a licensed registered nurse. I still get teary eyed when I hear it. It's really real. 

This feeling of reaching a goal is indescribable. I've never worked so hard for something and I've never wanted something so bad. I cannot wait to begin my future job, wherever that may be, and care for each individual hat comes my way. I'm so very thankful for each person who encouraged me, prayed for me & Trav, and supported the two of us through this. 

We are praising and rejoicing as this chapter of our lives closes and a new one is about to begin!

And it's....DONE!

I can't believe it. No, I really can't believe it. Nursing school is done. Finished. Gone for good. It felt like the longest journey while going through it but now that it is over it feels like it all happened in the blink of an eye. 


I will reflect on my final weeks of nursing school...


Our first exit exam was the dreaded comprehensive HESI. A HESI exam is death. I would rather have a lumbar puncture, colonoscopy, and be stuck with a needle 22 times, all while being conscious, than go through the feeling of this test. Sounds dramatic, I know. But I guess you just have to be in the situation to know how bad they really are. It's not your average standardized weekly test. It's not even like the SATs. It's a million times worse and there is so much pressure put on them I get sick to my stomach just writing about it! This particular exam was a mock state board. It was a test that will show the school if we know everything to be a safe ( and smart) nurse. It was 180 questions. And if you didn't pass there was a long list of remediations that had to take place before the school would consider you fit to graduate. Thankfully, I passed. But it was the longest test of my life and I'm pretty sure I will have heart failure at an early age due to what this school has done to me with these exams!


The next week was our last set of simulation exams. I was not as fearful for these as the first set but the unexpected is still a little frightening. We had great instructors grading us and my clinical group has become a family, so we all encouraged each other through it. On the first day I was lucky to have Brooke as my CNA during my scenario. She had been with me before on the previous set and we work well together. My patient had experienced a seizure in the scene before and for my turn she went into delirium from her medication. I did my assessment, called the doc, got the orders, and gave her IV push sedative all while this poor patient screamed at me, " The cops are coming for my kids! Kids! Why are there kids all over the place! Get me outta here! There are spiders on the wall! Kill them! Kill them!" I'm not sure how Brooke and I didn't bust up laughing! The best feeling was injecting her med and watching her slowly calm down and become re-oriented to her surroundings. Simulation accomplished! =)


I wish I could say the next day was as wonderful but it started off bad. On our very last day we were given the most brutal, the hardest, and just plain nastiest instructor who believes she owns simulation and all there is to it. We all did our best and pumped each other up despite wanting to either cry or kick something! During my scene I was charting and my patient began seizing. It's amazing what simulation does to me. I went into full blown nursing mode. The rest of the world faded away and that mannequin who was convulsing, drooling, and lifeless on the bed became a real person and it was up to me to ensure her safety, her airway, and her overall well being. Lillian was my CNA and she rocked it! We quick turned her to her side, suctioned her away, and got her hooked up to O2 in a matter of 20 seconds. It was pretty awesome. After a thorough neuro assessment, I called the doc, got new orders, and pushed another IV med to give her a slight sedative. Even though she was a dummy, even though my teacher didn't run in the room to hug me afterwards like Prof. Bosveld had done, it still felt good. 1. Because it was the last simulation for school that I would have to do. 2. Because I acted on instinct and I intervened in a way that helped and benefited my patient. It gave me a boost of confidence for if the situation presented itself to me in real life, I would just naturally bounce into action.


Finally, last week was our very last exit exam for Advanced Med-Surg. I should have started studying in December for this test. But Sunday rolled around and I was still finding excuses to not really sit down and hit the books. By Tuesday morning when it was test time, I was feeling a little apprehensive and thinking I maybe should have put more effort into it. This would be my last exam at WCU. If passed, school was done. That's it. Everything I had worked for since I was 20 years old all boiled down to this test. Holy freaking moly!


We were a reck waiting to walk in. We were a reck when assigned a computer. We were a reck when the screen popped up that said, "Begin now". There was a point at question 25 of 55 that I thought I was failing. I could feel myself getting choked up but than I gave myself the usual pep talk of, " I AM a good nurse. I AM smart. I DO KNOW my material" and than I kept going. People finished before me. I was sitting in the front row so I saw them all leave. Some had tears on their cheeks. Did they pass? Did they fail? Were those happy tears or sad tears? I clicked my last answer and waited for my score to pop up. I needed an 850 to pass. There is was. Right in front of me. A 964. Passed! That's it. School is done. I did it. Trav and I did it.  Done. As I was staring at my screen I realized it was getting blurry and than I felt the tears on my cheeks. Done. I can't even tell you that feeling. 


As I walked out wiping my eyes I caught my friend Marilyn's eye at her computer. She gave me the look of, " Did you?". I smiled and nodded than mouthed," You got this" before walking out. I was greeted by hugs from friends who were waiting. Emotions were high. People might think it's silly that we were crying but this program was tough. We all gave up an awful lot to get through it. We have all given up an awful lot over the years to get to this point. And now it was here. Done. Finished. Goodbye WCU....hello state boards!

Oh Emergency!

This past week I had my last clinical EVER for nursing school! I cannot even believe the end is so close. Although we have two simulation labs this week, last Wednesday was our last day at Placentia-Linda Hospital for our critical care rotation.

I originally was on the schedule for the ER. However, since my instructor hadn't been with me to pass meds during this term I knew she was going to ask Brooke and I to stay on telemetry for the day. That would make it my 3rd day on the tele unit and I would have been bummed to miss the ER since I knew I would never work there but at least experience it for a day. I've passed plenty of meds in my days of school. I could crush and administer through a G-tube with my eyes closed with one arm only. Of course I can always practice calculating and pushing IV meds or hanging a piggyback, but to be honest, I really didn't want to. While being team lead one day I helped classmates pull their meds from the Pyxis system and administer. They told me that when my instructor asked who hadn't passed meds to simply say I had "handled" medications. I couldn't do that though.


So, the morning of clinical I called my dad on the way as usual. We discussed the possibility of me either being placed in the ER or Tele for my final day. I believe I told my dad the ER would be too complicated so I should probably just do Tele because that felt safe to me. My dad of course encouraged me to challenge myself and plead for the ER. 

Our clinical group gathered in the cafeteria to meet before we broke off to our assigned units. Our instructor went around asking where we were each headed and told us to go our own ways. I blurted out that I was assigned to the ER and she said, " See ya. Have fun!" but I didn't budge. I couldn't because what if she asked who hadn't passed meds. Ah! I was wise to stay put because right after she asked who had not given meds with her yet. Brooke and I slowly raised our hands and we told to head to tele to spend the day.  I couldn't tell if I was bummed or relieved. Maybe a mix of both. I think she noticed our confused faces ( Brooke really wanted to go to ICU) so she threw out the option that we could choose where to spend our last clinical day since it's our experience and we could pass medications in any unit. A dilemma. Do I choose telemetry so I am guaranteed a patient info for my last careplan? Or do I choose Er which I am scared to death to be in and probably won't like it? I blurted out ER before I could think any more......and I am SO glad I did!

From the minute I walked into the ER I knew it was going to be a fabulous day. There were 3 male nurse and one female who took myself and my classmate, Gem, under their wing right away. They walked us through how the ER is run and what their expectations were from us. Now on most floors we are put to work doing daily patient care such as bed baths, oral care, feeding, dressing, toileting and so on. I don't mind that and I would prefer to do the complete care for my patients while providing them dignity, respect, and kindness than how some of the CNAs treat them. But, after 2 years of doing that, I am ready to add some excitement! In the ER they trusted the two of us to perform as an RN, all duties. We were starting IVs, passing meds, hooking patients up to 12 leads, giving straight catheters and regular foleys, setting up for specialty exams and collecting specimens all on our own, all day. I was in heaven. There is a thrill with putting an IV in. Granted, I have yet to not get it on the first try but I know when I get a tough vein or mess up I will probably be crushed and there will be no thrill to it! The first one I put in was this man that reminded me of my dad. He was in for chest pain and after hooking him up to a 12 lead to make sure he was not having an MI, I started his IV. We chatted away the whole time and he had no idea, but he was calming me while I was getting ready. When I saw the flashback (the blood that pools once you are in the vein) I wanted to squeal. After the IV was secure and he was taped up he patted my hand and said, " I didn't feel a thing! Thank you!' No sir, thank YOU for being a wonderful patient and having the same calming effect that my dad has!


To say I loved the ER is an understatement. I loved the staff I was with. Er has more male nurses than the floor and there is something about having a guy in the mix that changes things. Girls are catty and drama no matter where you are, but throw a guy in the loop and it eliminates part of that. The nurses we worked with  challenged us. They quizzed us all day. When a patient would come in, we were asked what 3 possible diagnosis could be for their presenting signs and symptoms, what labs would be ordered and why, and so forth. Before anything we did they would question us as to why this was needed. It really made me critically think through everything. I loved the hustle and bustle. I should have known I would work well under pressure since I usually save all of my homework till the last minute and somehow crank it out. Being under pressure in the ER I felt that I worked better as a nurse than before. I liked being barked orders to run to bed 3 for a 12 lead and than bed 4 for a foley with specimen. I loved that in some cases we had minutes to intervene in a situation. I know I need to be on a unit that will keep me busy because down time kills me


To say everything went perfect that day is false. I missed a straight cath on an elderly female, but I learned a great trick so next time I will be able to do it faster. I was so excited about collecting a specimen and rushing it to the lab I forgot to write how it was collected on the label. I will never forget that now! On one foley insert there was so much going on with her infection in the area, my eyes were burning and watering from the smell. I wanted to lean over my shoulder and hurl but I reminded myself that I was there to help this lady. And what I was about to do would be a step in her getting better. But I learned more in my short time there than I could have imagined. Everything from nursing school fell into place in the ER. It's one thing to take a test on the material that was taught. You learn to work the tests. To read the answers first and know exactly which one it the right one. But applying it to real life is an entirely different concept. I learned to critically think FAST in the ER. I learned how to take everything I have studied and put it into practice. I learned to face fears, to ignore smells without gagging, and push myself to be the best that I could be for each patient I encountered.


I know I want to work with pediatrics. I love kids and I can't imagine not working with them. For me, things are easier with kids. A child can throw up, poop, spit, pee, and who knows what all over and I won't flinch. Adults, I can't say the same. But a pediatric Er sounds pretty interesting to me and I truly think I would love it. I would miss having a relationship with families from prolonged hospital stays, but it would be fun to do for a little while and than maybe I can head into Peds Oncology. I may not land a job in Peds right away but I now know what my next goal is and the prayers are starting now. :-)
 

Critical Care

I am already 4 weeks into my final term of nursing school. I can't even believe it! My classes consist of critical care lecture and clinical along with a course called Integration of Nursing concepts. All I have to say is...it's alot of work! 

I truly like critical care but it is challenging. I usually am able to grasp concepts right away but this stuff I study for hours and I still can't comprehend it! I am just waiting for the day when it all just "clicks". ( It hasn't yet, lol) My lecture instructor is a hoot. She is straight from the south and her accent is amazing. Alot about her reminds me of my mom from her pixie hair cut, her animated stories, and more.She has been a flight nurse, trauma nurse, cardiac nurse, and the list goes on. She knows her stuff! Thankfully, she keeps class moving at a good pace but she keeps us focused and enthusiastic. Aside from her brutal test, I look forward to Tuesday morning with her.

Critical care clinical is at Placentia-Linda, this tiny little hospital hidden on Rose Drive. I love it! It's small enough where you don't feel lost as a nursing student but yet a handful of the nurses are willing to teach with a joyful attitude. We are rotated through units such as tele, ER, GI lab, outpatient surgery, ICU, and a day as team leader. After having a break between terms when we finally stepped into the hospital for the first day of clinical, I sighed a sigh of relief. I love hospitals. I love the shiny floors, the beeping call lights and IV pumps, the hustle and bustle, and constant changing. It's just the right place for me. :-)

Integration of nursing concepts may be the death of me. We are set up with an online virtual classroom where we had to take a predictor test for the state boards and based off our initial scores we are assigned a calendar to prep for these next weeks. I was given a 5 week one which entails practice exams after practice exams. And if you don't meet the bench mark score you are given remediation assignments and yes, more practice exams. I'm killing my eyes from staring at a computer taking tests all day....I'm also going to give myself some serious skin breakdown from sitting on my bum on the bed all day to do so! On top of that we have exams to take through HESI, Kaplan, and evolve case studies. Whew.

Last but not least, Simulation lab. I take back what I said before because THIS will be the death of me. I have my first testing this week on Wed/Thurs. Last week, they failed everyone on the first day. At least I won't have high expectations going in. This is where they see what we are made of. We have a whole suite on our campus for Sims. It is set up just like a hospital inside. In each room is a dummy, computerized charting, med carts, monitors, O2, and more. On one side of the room the whole wall is a one way window...that way our classmates can sit on the other side and critique us. In the corner is another one way window that leads into the control room where multiple instructors sit to evaluate you and control the situation. We each get 20 minute scenarios. We are given report, assigned a classmate to be our CNA, and that we must perform our head to toe assessment and enviroment checks within 5 min. Should you miss one thing, you miss it all. They grade us for technique, teaching, delegation, and the list goes on. At some point in the scenario our patient changes. He/She may have an MI, stroke, seizure, pneumonia, allergic reaction, pulmonary embolism, GI bleed, hypovolemia, A-fib, and undergo respiratory depression. They may go into V-tach/fib and need to be defibrilated which in that case we call a code and run through the whole thing, with a live, working defib machine. 

They want to see our focused assessments when something changes, nonpharmacological interventions, how we contact physicians, how we order labs and take med phone orders, how we chart, hang blood, push IV meds, and more. One of the instructors does the voice of the patient so that they actually respond to what we say. They are the doctor or pharmacist or charge nurse or whomever we call. There are cameras on us the whole time so they can zoom in to see the smallest of details. They record it so we can watch ourselves after and see what needs to be changed. The dummies are like live people. They sweat, cry, become cyanotic, have sputum, snot, they pee, they vomit, the poop, they seize, they show all physical signs of a stroke, and their pupils react to light. All sounds are there too. Every heart sound, lung sound, and bowel sound can be assessed. Pulses can be felt and their chest rises when they breath. You can get a real blood pressure reading too. And our instructors know if we touched the pulse in the right spot or listened to the right locations on the heart because it shows on their monitors.

Can you see why I am nervous? I want to throw up just thinking about it! I'm just praying I don't blank on Wed and I pray I don't kill or harm my fake but real patient! I can't believe these are the final weeks. I'm so ready to be done but seriously lacking the motivation to get there. I'm a breath away from being burned out. So please pray for strength and motivation to push through till the end!

Waaaayyyy Behind

Wow. It's been awhile since I have written about nursing school on here. Alot has gone on in the past month and I was so completely physically, mentally, and emotionally fried when my last term ended I simply couldn't bring myself to write about it as well. But now I am behind and I promise to write about our Colorado trip, my sister's visit from AZ, and our St.Louis trip after this! :-)

As you know last term I was in pediatrics, leadership, and mental health with two clinicals as well. It was an interesting term and I learned a ton. But man am I glad it's over with because it sucked everything out of me. When the time came for our exit exams, we learned that they would be given on three consecutive days. Now, you might think that is no big deal because it's just a final exam. Wrong. These exams are the death of me and I usually really like school. An "exit exam" is our way of showing the school that we have mastered the content in that area and should be allowed to move forward. It is a mock state board exam but focused in on just that particular subject. We are given a minute per question and a raw score we have to achieve to move forward. I studied my life away for mental health. I mean I literally locked myself in my room and did everything I could to master a subject I despise. That was the first exam on a Wednesday afternoon and...I passed. But as great as it felt to pass, I was still stressed because leadership was the next day and I hadn't even begun my review for it. Ahhh!

Leadership came and went...I barely passed but hey, passing is passing. Friday, our last day, was pediatrics. I don't mind studying peds. It just makes sense to me. Everything with peds seems like common sense or second nature which maybe should be a sign to me that I should be working in that field. That test came and went as well. As I walked out of the test room doors, it felt like a load had lifted off my shoulders. My friends were there waiting for me ( they had all passed all 3 test too!) and we kept quite till we got in the stair well and than the squeals let out! We made it! Only 9 more weeks of school and we are RNs! Praise the Lord! As I called my dad to tell him the good news, I had tears streaming down my cheeks. When I got home I couldn't move. I barely made it to my bed and I slept till 6 that night! Ha, guess my body new I needed a lil rest!

Sad to say though, we left behind a huge handful of classmates who did not make it till the next term with us. It's always hard because you become like a family and no one should be left behind. But our school really likes to ween people out and it's hard. 

So, my final term of nursing school has started. I have 7 weeks left. Scary?! Um, yes! I've already started applying to new grad programs and are anxiously waiting to hear back . Critical care is my main course and clinical this term. It's going to be good. Hard, but exciting. And the light at the end of the tunnel is so close! God is good =)

Random Fact of the Week :)

I like random nursing facts. The things hat aren't highlighted or easily seen in text books. My critical care teacher is great at throwing in these random tid bits during lecture. Some come from her own personal experience out in the nursing world and others are just additional information.

My favorite this week was about brushing your teeth at night. My professor admitted that while she brushes her teeth 3 times a day it usually is not before bed. There are days when she was so tired that there was just no way she was going to use whatever small amount of energy she had left to scrub, floss, and Listerine up. Have you ever felt like that? I have. ( I promise I have good hygiene!) If I lay on my bed before doing my nightly routine, you will not get me back up. Of course, this is only after a 14 hour clinical or class day when I come home and can't feel my legs anymore. Last night I laid down on my bed and thought, " I'll just close my eyes for a minute!" ( It's never a minute. I would have been out for the count) But, as I was laying there, I remembered what Professor Bosveld had said causing my eyes to pop open and I scurried out of bed into the bathroom so I could brush away.

You see, if you don't brush your teeth at night all those icky, nasty germs in your mouth that have accumulated during the day become alive and active. We all aspirate in our sleep every night. So all those germs slide right on down the back of our mouths and into our lungs and this leaves us with......a cold.  Gross, huh? So, if you are looking for a natural remedy to prevent common colds this winter,....brush, floss, and swish any germs away every night. :-) 

Don't worry....that's not the only thing I learned in Critical Care on Tuesday.

A little behind

I just reazlied I haven't written about the past two weeks of mental health! Between midterms, Colorado, and constant paper writing, I haven't had the time to sit and write. So, I think I will wrap up two mental health clinicals in one....and I'll save last night's for it's own entry.

Three weeks ago Brooke and I were places on the GICU, Geriatric Floor, at College Hospital. I went into it thinking it would probably be similar to being in a SNF or Long Term Care for geriatrics. But it wasn't. We were on the floor in time for shift report. Al the patients were in the day room doing an activity so we decided to sit down and join them. The table we sat at had two ladies both working on their own thing. I started talking to the lady across from me and in the middle of our conversation she began slurring her words. She told me her mouth felt weird, her tongue was not normal and she couldn't move. Immediately I knew she was experiencing EPS (Extrapyramidal symptoms) which is a pretty severe side effect to medication that needs to be treated right away. I went and told her nurse, who did nothing. I wasn't about to let her get worse but I knew the nurse would get mad if I went around her. I debated and than decided to let the RN get mad at me and I went straight to the med nurse to report her symptoms. They quickly gave her Cogentin for an antidote and she went to her room to rest.

After that, I went over to chat with an older gentleman who was coloring a picture. During our conversation a lady came up to me and started talking, asking me why I was there. I told her how I was a nursing student and was just there to hang out. She looked at me and said, "You are here to talk to me? Who sent you? What do you want to know? Why did you choose me?" It took me a minute to respond and by the time I had she was sitting down, blocking me into a corner. Great. #1 rule is ALWAYS have a way out. She asked me if I was going to publish her story in a journal because she didn't want her information out there. " No mam, I don't work for a journal. I actually am just here to chat and join in our the activities for a bit." By this time, Brooke had come over to rescue me but somehow got sucked into the conversation as well. The lady started telling us about how she was gassed the night before with the "orange gas" She stated that it came through the ceiling vents and that we shouldn't look up because "they" are watching us. She talked about the "little latino men" who were creeping through the smokey hallway and how they took everything out of the room. She talked continuously, most of it not making any sense at all. At one point she was pretty agitated and I thought she was going to lash out. My only way out would have been to fling myself across the table. That would have been a site. The interesting thing was, in all of her rambling and scattered thoughts, there was some truth to the story. Their floor had just been under repair along with getting all the floors cleaned. Their were "little latino men" who had been roaming the halls, there was a strong, gas like smell, and the smokey hallway had been there too. I've learned you have to pay close attention to what people say because in all of that scatter is always something that they are trying to get across.

Later that same clinical day ,Brooke and I were sitting at yet another table talking to another gentleman. We could hear a patient who was pretty upset yelling in the hallway. She came storming in the day room and was threatening all the staff. No one else in the room would make eye contact with her, they just looked down and continued to work on their activity. Through out her aggressive outburst, she was rigt behind Brooke, swinging her arms around pretty close to her head. I mouthed to her, "Be careful" and she slowly scooted over a bit. We continued chatting with the gentlemen at the table when the lady decided to act out again and was walking by our table. Brooke and I would have liked to get up and leave the room, but we were stuck because we would have had to walk past her and she was acting out on anyone in her way. She came right behind me and I could totally feel her presence. I didn't want to acknowledge her in case it would upset her, so I just sat still. I could see Brooke's face expression change and for some reason my gut told me to lean forward, so I did. Thankfully because she had been swinging to get me but missed and ended up going for the man next to me. Thankfully, the nurse was able to calm her down and it was time for our dinner break! Whew!

The following week we were assigned to NICU...which is a high acuity unit. There were a few new admits that day, police drop offs. Our teacher placed the only male student with us that day which made both of us feel a little better having him right there. Each of us met and interacted with someone and although we were only on the floor for a short time, we learned alot. One of the patients had EPS, so we were able to see that again with different presenting symptoms with this case. We watched an new admit assessment interview and were able to talk with him about what he has been struggling with.

Although mental health is not really my thing, I love how each week is so different and I walk away with a new appreciation for the field every time. It's crazy to think I just have 2 more clinical days at this site!!!

A Heavy Heart

Last Tuesday marked our first day in the pediatric unit. It was nothing like I had expected. I was placed at a sub acute facility but it is more than that, it is a home to each patient. A school bus comes and picks up just a few for class. The rest are, and I hate to use this term, in a vegetative state. Why? Some are from birth defects or genetics, but others are preventable childhood accidents. I left that afternoon with a very heavy heart. Here are a few reasons why:

• As I looked at each child, I couldn't help but be reminded what they were missing out on. Here they were, hooked up to ventilators and restricted to their beds, children who should be learning to shoot a baskteball, ties their shoes, snuggling up to read a story, hugging their parents goodnight, and dreaming big for their future. But instead, they lay there, and their parents slowly stop coming to provide care and love that they so desperately need.
• For some of them, their condition was uncontrollable. They were born with severe handicaps that are incurable. Yet, aside from that, they are children....sweet, loving children of the Lord. One girl who was 17 years old but had the body of my 4 yr old niece would turn her head to the sound of my voice. I have no idea what she could comprehend but she would look at me with these big, brown eyes and a smile would cover her face briefly, lighting her entire face up, and than it would dissapear and she would return to how she was. Some patient's faces stay with me forever....her smile is engraved in my heart.
• My patient was a 4 year old girl, admitted to this facility when she was just under 2. She had been in her stroller out for a walk with her mom when her mom stepped off the curbed to cross the street. A car came around the corner and hit the stroller, leaving her with multiple hematomas in her brain and impairing her neurologic status forever. There were pictures covering the board in her room of her as a toddler. The day she was born. Taking her first steps. It was hard to look at those and than see her helpless & confined to a bed. I don't know if she could hear or understand me, but I stroked her head and talked to her. I wanted to read her a story but her parents didn't leave anything in her room for her. She has a problem with her thermoregulation from the accident. I had to swaddle her like an infant...adding about 5 blankets and two hats on top of that. She was a precious little angel. So tiny and fragile. But you could see everything through her eyes. Yet you could also see how lost she was.
• Another patient I worked with was 4 years old as well, also living a normal toddler hood. However, she ate a hotdog that was not cut in half ( yes, you need to cut the first piece you cut in half) and it lodge in her throat, cut off the oxygen supply to her brain, and now she is braindead. Her childhood lost.
• The nurses did not seem to truly care. I don't know if they are just so removed from everything or too relaxed at the facility. But, they didn't do much and it really bothered me.No matter what state of alertness your patient is in, absolute care and compassion should always be provdied.

I left the facility that afternoon to find myself in bumper to bumper traffic. I took this time to pray for each one of my twelve nieces and nephes. For their safety, their health, that they dream big and that they may expereince every joy that life brings them. This clinical is causing me to reconsider working in pediatrics. I can already see how I may struggle with becoming to attached to each patient. I had a friend tell me that if I thought this was hard I would never make it in peds oncology. I disagree though. In peds oncology not every patient passes away as most people think. But those kids have a fight in them, a will to live, and a hope that is greater than I will ever know. They are able to still live a somewhat normal childhood amongst all their treatments and hospital stays. Regardless though, I will be committing this to prayer that the Lord will lead and guide me to the area of nursing He can best use my strengths & gifts. Whether it be pediatrics, adult oncology, NICU, or L&D, my prayer is that I am able to follow the Lord's plan and reach out to offer love and compassion to each patient who comes along my way.

Go hug the little ones in your life. Squeeze them and tell them you love them. Life is just too short not too.

Previously On....

Last week was interesting to say the least at our mental health clinical. I was placed on the same unit as the week before but this time there was a whole new batch of clients.The day started out rough. After being forced to park at Cerritos College Vanessa, Irene, and I headed down the street to the hospital. While talking to us, Vanessa tripped and fell by the gutter on the curb and busted her ankle. She made it to the hospital but I ended up driving her back to her car so she could go home. Thankfully, her ankle was not broken but it is still to this day swollen and bruised.

Brooke, Rommel, and I were placed on the same unit as the previous week, EICU. We walked into an activity session where they were making bracelets. I kind of like coming on the floor during times like this because it offers a comfortable situation to approach a client. We pulled up chairs and sat down at the table. Before any of us said a word one girl started up a conversation that ended up lasting most of our time there. I pulled out of it part of the way through because there was a young girl sitting across from me, not participating in the group convo, that I wanted to get to know. Se was only 18 yet this was her 3rd time to the facility. She had previously been admitted for attempting to hang herself after her boy friend broke up with her and for a mjor depressive episode. She is a polysubstance abuser. Growing up, her brothers had her ask her father for money so she could go out and purchase drugs for all of them. Currently, she suffers from panic attacks and nightmares leaving her with insomnia. She is unable to eat and look as if she was wasting away. I asked her how she came to College and she informed me she wanted help so she hopped on the bus and admitted herself. Although she was originally on a voluntary status it's changed to a 5150 ( involuntary hold) because she became angry, threatened the nurses, and told everyone she was going to overdose on Ambien.

My heart broke for her as I listened to her life story and saw the sadness along with hopelessness in her eyes. The one time there was a hint of joy is when I asked who she was making her bracelet for. It was for her two year old niece. We started talking about being an aunt and she mentioned it was the "best". I couldn't agree more and I am so glad she has something to bring her some happiness amongst all the dark in her life. The rest of the evening on the floor was spent observing as the unit was labled "unsafe" due to new admissions who were having a hard time coming off their street drugs and/or adjusting to their new meds.

It was yet another great learning experience. Who knew I would end up somewhat enjoying my mental health rotation. It's never boring, that's for sure!!

This week was even more eventful. Want a sneak preview?!
1. EPS ( google it)
2. Little, latino, gasing men
3.A swing at the blonde

First one down

Although I have a stack of homework to plow through for tomorrow, I need to write down last Wednesdays clinical before I forget it all...which is likely to happen because my days are starting to all run together! Last Wednesday showed me how brutal this term will be. Class starts at 8am for lecture and than I get enough time to eat lunch before I have to report at College Hospital for my clinical shift till 11pm. Now, don't forget Tuesday consisted of a clinical, Thursday holds another class, and Friday....7 am pediatrics lecture! So by having this crazy Wednesday, it throws me off for the whole week....hints the dark circles under my eyes. :)

I was nervous when I arrived at the hospital. There is no question about that. I think we all were. In our pre-conference we took a math exam and than everyone just sat there. Silent. No one knew what to expect. We all had our own vision of what this clinical would be like and I don't think any of them were positive. Of course, my sweet professor can sense our worries and fear. She put a positive spin on everything and took us on to our units.

Brooke, Rommel, and I were assigned to EICU. ( Not the very dangerous, but not the high functioning....somewhere in the middle. A transitions unit.) When we arrived on the floor, the staff was very welcoming...one of the night RN's was a graduate from our school! The patient's...wait, I need to call them clients now....the clients were just sitting down for dinner. We didn't want to disturb them so we grabbed a few charts and headed into the visiting room to familiarize ourselves with their charting system. It came time to head out to pick our client. The only area we can be with them is called the day room. It's like a large family room that opens up outside to the smoking patio. When in the day room, everyone is within eyesight and they are kept a close eye on. I initially choose a young man, about 21 years old, to try and approach. I saw down next to him at the table and said hi. No response. I than asked him his name and introduce myself. One word response. I sat in silence for a minute and than tried to continue the conversation but it was going no where. He pulled his hood over his head and I took that as a sign he wanted to be alone. I wasn't going to push it! I'm glad too because later he was sitting there talking to himself, cursing up a storm, and I'm afraid if I had been talking to him I would have set him off.

I turned to look across the table from me to where a Hispanic lady, about 50, was finishing her dinner. I smiled at her and she returned it. Ok, so far so good. I greeted her and introduced myself. She did the same. Alright two for two. We may have a conversation here! And did we ever. After that she talked for 2 hours straight...I'm not kidding or exaggerating either. I've always seen the words, "pressure speech", on mental health assessment forms but I never knew what it was until that night. Some of what she said I could not make out due to her accent. But here is a snippet of what I did learn....remember, she suffers from a psychotic disorder so these are all just thoughts running around in her head.....

• The water at the hospital is poisoned. I should only drink Sparklett bottled water because that is safe. All other bottles the staff opens up and drops in white tablets that poisons people. And, I should never touch the tap water. It may kill me.
• I should never walk the streets in LA. ( Like I would anyways, right?!) She went into great...and I mean great...detail about what would happen to me if I did.  Enough so that if I hadn't been so completely exhausted by the time I got home I probably would have had a massive nightmare. Needless to say, I will never walk by an alley again...ever.
• She apparently was once a cosmotologist from Mexico. She did manis, pedis, and hair. But someone broke into her shop....and later on it was her car that was broken in to....and stole her license. She than made a plan as to what she would do to pay them back for stealing her job. She also blamed it on America.
• Don't ever get a shot. Why? Because it too is poison. When they gave her a shot ( i'm assuming when she was admitted because she was belligerent and dangerous to herself and others.) she waited till the needle was removed before she pinched her skin on her arm and squeezed all the poison out. Otherwise she would be dead. 
• They even come after white girls like me. Who? I don't know. 
• She thought my scrubs looked like Popeye and Olive Oil. Awesome. I usually say they are a mix between Merry Maids, Top Chef, and a sailor, but Popeye was truly genius. 

I could go on for another 20 bullet points on different things she said. One of the interesting aspects of the conversation I noticed was that while she was rambling off all of this, I could literally see how the thoughts and images were just racing around inside her head, unable to straighten them out. Her face held this blank look to it...almost as if her eyes were hollow and you could stare right through the dark, black pupils. Something I have never experienced before.

Before we left, I flipped around in her chart to gather information I would need for my assignment due tomorrow. I wanted to see her admission note so I knew why she was brought in. It was against her will, meaning she was there on involuntary status. She was admitted because in a psychotic moment, she stabbed her roommate with a dinner fork and than chased her neighbor with a kitchen knife, threatening to kill him because of "what he had done." I'm glad I found all this out after we had been talking for 2 hours!

The unit wasn't so bad....but not the field of medicine for me. I do think i will enjoy this clinical though. As long as I never let my guard down! I noticed last week how easy it can be to forget that each one is unstable so I need to make sure I am cautious of that last night. It was a good first week though and I am interested to see who I can converse with tomorrow!

Next Time!

This past Tuesday was supposed to be my first pediatric clinical. My group of 8 arrived at the facility first thing in the morning. We walked inside to see our teacher sitting, ready for us. It was obvious by the look on her face something was wrong. She than announced that we were not going to be able to stay at the facility that day due to a scheduling conflict. Free day!?!? Nope, we were directed back to our campus in Anaheim.

The morning was spent getting to know her, taking a pediatric med math, and listening to classmates present on their teaching topic. A lunch break to Subway was well needed....why are nursing students always so hungry?!? After lunch another professor, Prof. Murray, joined our group for a skills lab. We were taught how to set up our own peds piggyback. They had us come up to the board, calculate the concentration, mg/kg/dose, Iv maintenance rate, and what to set the pump at with volume to be infused (VTBI) and iv rate (IVR) for each part. Along with the calculations we were required to set it all up, fresh from the start, on the actual pump itself. It was nerve wrecking! I know I was shaking as I drew up my med in the syringe and pushed it through the barbitrol.

At first I was bummed that we were not in the hospital but it ended up being a blessing. I learned so much in the skills lab that will really benefit me once in the clinical setting on real patients! It was good skills practice because everything is a whole lot smaller in pediatrics! It will take some getting used to!

Time to study hard for a pediatric test tomorrow morning!

That Orange Lu Math!

I can't tell you how many times a week I hear those words come out of my husband's mouth! I am awful at math...there really is no denying it....but it still drives me nuts when Trav points it out! He always jokes that at Troy High everyone was a math scholar but that Orange Lu slacked on their math program since he claims he doesn't know a single person from there with decent math skills. ( I really have no argument for that since I really can't name anyone either!) I'm sure half of the time he asks me to calculate something in my head on the spot it really is just to see what bizarre number I can come up with for his own amusement. And, trust me, they are bizarre. My dad used to sit at the dining room table with me at night to help me with my homework. You see, I didn't get the math genes. He is a genius and passed those genes on to Lyns and Kris....Lea and I weren't so lucky. I feel bad looking back at those moments now because many were filled with tears or I got so ticked that I couldn't understand it, I would cop a huge attitude, throw in some sarcasm, and leave the room. Even after all of that he still offered to help me the next night!

Math was one of the reasons why I shyed away from being a nurse right out of high school. ( That and the fact that I have always despised science. Now look at me.....it's my world.) So when I was told that for every clinical we are in, there is a math test given that must be completed with a certain grade or higher to pass meds on the floor, I almost threw up. Even though I understand med math, I still second guess myself in the testing environment because of my lack of confidence in my math skills.

Needless to say, I have grasp ahold of the med math formulas and skills needed to be an RN. I will say, it feels like a huge accomplishment for me considering in high school I celebrated getting a C in Algebra II Trig! Those days are over! I have successfully passed all med math exams.....recent ones at 100%! What a fear faced! I no longer am nervous to calculate mg/kg/day or per dose. I no longer am afraid to whip out the information needed in my head in front of my instructor! It's amazing to see how much I have grown since just a year ago. This program moves fast and I sometimes feel behind the others since I never worked as an LVN.

The best part is, yesterday I called Trav after clinical. He asked how my math test went and I told him my grade, A+. He laughed and than asked, "Really?" After talking with him I called my dad who asked how clinical went and I gave him the good math news. What did he do? Laughed. Than asked, "Really? Wow." Ah, I will always have the reputation of having Orange Lu math. It's going to stick with me forever, I just know it! 


So, while "that Orange Lu math" was not the highlight of my high school years, I have a new found love for med math!

Finally!

Tomorrow I begin my first day in pediatric clinicals! Once again I have no idea what to expect. All I know is I am placed at Newport Specialty in Tustin. We have yet to meet our instructor. She is new to the school but not to teaching pediatrics. We are to arrive tomorrow at 0645 sharp and head upstairs to receive our assignements and report...yikes! Way to throw us right in there on the first day.

I have no idea what to expect. I know I will be faced with a new fear. I know I will be challenged with med math for peds. I know I will adore working with children. But there are many more "unknowns" that tomorrow holds!

I can't wait!

Introducing.....College Hospital

For my mental health rotation I was placed at College Hospital in Cerritos. It is an all psychiatric care facility that I will visit every Wednesday. Anxious is a pretty good way to describe how I feel about this clinical setting for the next 8 weeks. Here are a few reasons why:


1. Mental Health altogether is not my forte. I am all about talking with patients in regards to their feelings or how they are coping. But, to be in an environment like this changes that and takes me...no, throws me....out of my comfort zone. That's an understatement. 


2. In my LVN program, this was my worst expereince so I am already going into the class/clinical with a bad image in my mind. Not only was the lecture a struggle for me but clinical was than too. I made the mistake of befriending a young man at La Casa. I sat and listened to him talk as he skipped between the five different "realities" he lived in. When I returned to the facility in the subsequent days, he didn't want me to talk to anyone else. And now, I was a part of these "stories" in "his worlds". He wanted us to hangout when he was released from his hold.  Creepy? Yes. All I could think of was that he know knew my name from my name badge and wanted me in his world, what would happen if he was discharge?! 


3. The training. Last Wednesday we had orientation and it was all going swell until the last hour. Another instructor who actually works at the site came in to meet with us. She began showing us how to sit with the patients so they can't punch us or choke us. Sweet. Than how to yell for help should we be in a situation that needed it. Hmmm, great. We moved on to discuss how you never turn your back on who you are talking to, for obvious reasons, and of course, you never touch them. One of her last comments was that if you are in a conversation with a patient and they all of a sudden have a blank stare on their face, get out of there. Why? Because in their mind they are hearing voices telling them that, for example, you killed their mom so no they need to kill you. Or, they are hallucinating that someone is standing behind us telling them that we are the FBI coming to get them so they need to take us out. Oh man. 


4. We are put into groups of two for each unit....a buddy system. I am paired with Brooke who is super sweet and we are alot alike. She is blonde and tall....we are the only ones in our group....and very soft spoken. We look like easy targets. Really, two for the price of one. While we were excited to be together, we are both pretty apprensive about going on the floor. The instructor also placed the only male in our group with us. Thank you! Rommel is a great guy, a friend from last terms clinical, and I would trust him with my life...seriously. I mean,just knowing that he will be arm's lengths away at all times is comforting. He already informed us that he "has our backs". Thanks!


5. This is a very high aquity facility. Meaning, these people are very dangerous. Most have come in from police drop offs from off the street. In a few of the units we will be in, each patient in there is considered to be highly suicidal and highly homicidal. Which means, I will never let my guard down. I will never trust them...you just can't. I will never think that they are "just fine" because that is when something will happen.


On top of all that I have a phenomenal instructor. She is a breath of fresh air! Prof. Noonan works for the Irvine Unified School district now with children who need a little extra attention and help but she also teaches mental health at my school. She is about 70 ...may a few years older....and as cute as a button. 5'2....white hair....and a smile that immediately sends out comfort, I liked her from the start. She remind me of that sweet little grandma in the movies. I half expected her to bring us homemade cookies and than tuck us in bed with a story. She is a spitfire as well though. She would say something "inappropriate" during orientation and than put her little hand over her mouth and giggle like a school girl. We all agreed that because of her we are going to have a great clinical this term! 


Next Wednesday will be our first day on the floor. Pray it goes well for all of us! I can't imagine what these patients are going through. In fact, I can't even imagine what a mental illness would be like. In that sense, my heart hurts for them and I want to help them in any way I can. As long as myself and my classmates stay safe. My biggest challenge will be caring too much. I am that nurse that will sit down at the bedside, hold the patient's hand, stroke their hair, and just listen. While the listening aspect will be beneficial in this term, the rest won't and that will be a challenge and a great learning experience for me to switch gears a bit. 


Alright mental health....I'm ready for you...I think?

A New Term!

It has arrived! The beginning of a term term. Another 9 weeks crammed with reading, clinicals, projects, new fears, papers, careplans, no sleep, too much coffee, and of course, stress. It also means that I only have 18 more weeks of nursing school left!!! Woo!!!  Here is an overview of what this term holds:

Mental Health Lecture and Clinicals: Am I excited about this? Not at all. You either like mental health or you don't I don't. I'm all about chatting with people about their feelings but Psych units are just not my thing. I am VERY anxious about this class and I really hope it flies by. And to top it off my Wednesdays now consist of class and clinical from 8am till 11pm. A full day of psych. Yikes!

Pediatric Lecture and Clinicals: Excited isn't even the word to use for this because it is so much more! I cannot wait to learn about pediatrics and than head to the clinical setting to care for them. I adore kids. I want to make them smile in this unfamiliar and uncomfortable setting. I want to let them know that hospitals aren't a scaring place but a safe place. I want to love them, befriend them. and take away their fears. I cannot wait!

Leadership lecture:  I honestly have no clue what to expect from this class. I know I will be learning about delegation, as a RN needs to learn safe practices for delegating tasks. It should be interesting though because being a leader is not my strong point so I hope to really grow from this course.

It is going to be a hard 9 weeks. 7 weeks only of class and lecture followed by two weeks of testing. If you don't see or hear from me, you know why. I am already overwhelmed by the amount of workload, assignments, and time that is needed for this term. But, it will take me one step closer to my dream so I can't complain!

"1,2,3,4,5.....

6,7,8,9,10...BIG BREATH! And again!" If you had walked thru the L&D unit two Saturdays ago this is what you would have heard myself and a nursing trainee saying for a good hour as we coached a mom through her delivery!

It was our final day of OB clinical. While I was mentally "checked out" of class, I was excited for clinical since I was in L&D and desperately wanted to assist in a delivery. At pre-conference, Vanessa and I joked about how it would be our luck that no one would deliver again on our shift. But we were wrong! We both were assigned to laboring moms and one of the most incredible days began!

I was assigned to an interesting case. Our laboring mom was considered high risk for multiple reasons. First being she was AMA...advanced maternal age.This was their third time with in vitro, the first two ended in a miscarriage, and they were now preparing to deliver a baby girl. During pregnancy she developed Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura, a clotting/bleeding disorder where the body has low platelets and blood is unable to clot. She was a high risk for hemorrhaging during and after delivery. Because of her platelet disorder she was not allowed an epidural. Her only choice was a natural birth and I have never seen someone handle one so well. She had a doula. That's all I will say about that. I do have stories & I could go on, but the main point I will say is a doula should not be in the hospital because overstepping a doctor who is trying to save two lives is just not going to go over well!

This mom did fabulous! She was prepared and breathed through the contractions perfectly. It really showed me that a natural labor is possible. My mom did 4 naturally and I always thought she was crazy until now! I've learned that labor is about being a team & your teammate needs to be tuned in on distraction techniques as well as working you through each contraction. As long as you have control of the pain, breathing, and contraction, an epidural free delivery is not a bad idea....this mom proved that! The baby took a long time to come out from under her pelvic bone....over an hour to be exact. I can't imagine the pressure she felt as the head was crammed under the bone. But she managed to crack jokes and smile during it all! The delivery room was full since UCI is a teaching hospital. Therefore, an intern, third year resident, and an attending were assigned to the case. An RN, myself, and a RN trainee were also involved along with the scrub tech to set up the sterile environment. 

With each push the resident and attending were watching the monitor of the baby's heart rate and how it was reacting to each contraction. After pushing for so long the baby was not tolerating labor well at all. In fact, the heart rate was so dangerously low that if she had been already born and had a herat rate of that, CPR would have been performed. It was interesting watching the attending and resident communicate with no words as to not alarm the mom. The NICU team was called because they knew the baby was going to be born in distress. The neonatologist and RN came in an instant. Finally, a sweet little girl was delivered. I have no shame in admitting that tears were streaming down my face during this time. It is such a magical experience and completely overwhelming....and it wasn't even my child! She was born blue....central cyanosis....meaning that the blood oxygenation to her little lungs was really bad as well as in all her vessels. She was whisked to the NICU team before the mom could notice she was blue as it's better to keep the mom out of the loop that something is that wrong until the mom is stable. The doctors went to work quickly to birth the placenta and stitch her up because they were worried about her bleeding out. The baby was put on oxygen and was revived by the NICU team. It was incredible to watch them work. They took this limp, lifeless, blue baby who needed much more than a pat on the back and saved her. Yes, more tears. Watching her be placed on her moms chest, than into her dad's arms was emotional for all as the staff knew how long they had been waiting for their sweet girl. I took pictures of the dad as he proudly cut the cord. 

What a day! It was a great last OB clinical. A experience unlike any other. I will carry that day with me forever! I am so thankful for the opportunity to have trained at UCI and been taught by sch incredible physicians and nurses. 

Hmmmmm, labor and delivery.....will you be my specialty?!!?

So long Kindred!

9 weeks at Kindred felt like an eternity while in the midst of them. Looking back now, it feels like they flew by! Our last day at Kindred was the best and worst clinical experience I have had so far. Here are the highlights:

• We arrived at 6am.....we left after 7pm. This qualifies as the worst because on our last clinical day of the year we were kept 13 hours. Other groups finished up half days and were sent home to study. The following morning, those of us who had to retake the HESI that we missed would be rising early to do so. Tired from a 13 hour clinical is not the best way to do that.
• I was chosen to give medications. This was a good and bad thing. Great for practice and becoming more familiar with meds. But I have given them more than anyone in the class so of course I took it as I'm not doing well and need to work on my med administration. I was scheduled to start my morning off with a 7am accucheck and from there on out I gave all the meds to both of my patients.
• I loved my final patients. One was this older Hispanic lady who didn't speak English and I sure don't speak Spanish. I wish I could spit out a few words but having Trav around with his "fake" Spanish I have now completely confused the real words with his Spanish lingo. She was really sweet. Although we did not speak a common language we made do with hand signals, facial expressions, and attempting to say words in English or Spanish. My second patient was this pleasant man, mid forties, who was a chatty one which I love. I really enjoy interacting with patients and being a student means I am able to find time to talk away! We had great conversations about his faith which is really neat because  I love finding ways to use nursing as a way to show Christ to others.
• I started an IV on my lil Spanish lady. I tried to avoid it. I know....so awful. But with my instructor leaning over my shoulder and the way she intimidates me I really didn't want to on our last day. But it bit me in the butt because we went in to hang her IVPB and I couldn't flush her line due to the fact it needed changing. Since I was there with my instructor there was no way she was letting the RN do it instead. But it was a great experience and I buckled up and did it!!! She told my teacher in Spanish that I had 1 try and than she wanted her nurse to do it. I made a #1 sign and than a thumbs up to let her know I only needed one try. The way she was sitting meant I needed to be on the knees on the ground to get her IV in. Awkward? Yes. Needless to say I got it in on the first try! My hand was slightly shaky and it wasn't perfect from start to finish but I got it and it felt good!!!
• I hung a flawless IV piggyback medication. Remember back to that awful day where I held my first one and shook non stop while she criticized me? This time i walked in with confidence and she said," You should be a pro now." In my head I responded with," You bet I am!". It felt wonderful to have mastered that task over those weeks. Fear faced!
• I was able to do patient teaching to my male patient. It's hard to do that when your patient is comatose, like most of mine had been. But while I gave him each medication I explained it and what he needed to notify me for if he experienced something. He threw some questions towards me that I was not expecting but I was able to answer them and show my teacher that I do indeed know my meds!
• I served. One of the greatest things about being a nurse is the "customer service" part of it. We are there to provide care and to serve these patients. They are the ones bedridden, deprived of their abilities and regular activities. So, I was happy to serve my male patient. He needed cranberry juice, his oatmeal heated, more ice, his protein shake, and more. He kept me busy and on my toes. I know he was thankful to have a student nurse who was tending to just too patients because when you are a RN and have 5/6 patients, it's hard to be constantly running "errands". We had great conversations throughout the day and I loved hearing him and his roomie chat between the curtain about football, their families, and more.
• I got an A!!!!! Yup! An A!!!! The only one in this clinical group. I've never been more proud of something before. I worked my butt off. Each week I challenged myself and overcame new fears. My professor challenged me and pushed me to give more than my best. It all paid off. Waiting to receive my evaluation I was nervous, thinking I would get ripped apart. But I walked in and she said," You were my only A. " and I just about fainted. She let me know that the nervousness would go away. It's always harder having someone stare over your shoulder intimidating you. She also told me that she used to be like that too. She said my skills had improved greatly and she had really seen me grow over the 9 weeks. My careplans had kicked butt all term which was awesome as well. I was not expecting that. I could not wipe the smile off my face on the way home.....no matter how tired I was!

Those 9 weeks were long and Kindred was not my first choice for a facility, but it ended up being a surprising blessing. Here's to another term down!

Goodbye Med-Surg!

This week was a stressful one for my med-surg class. On Monday we had our HESI, an exit exam. It basically is a mock state board but only in the content material of our Med-Surg class ( plus everything we learned in LVN school & what they think we should know). It was only 55 questions, some weighing higher than others, which leaves no room for error. The score needed to pass was a 800 raw score. If you don't pass the first time a retake is given only once. 

I studied hard. The house was empty this weekend so I gathered my books and made studying fun by laying beside the pool! I would take breaks to "cool off" and take a practice exam online. By the time Sunday night came I was feeling confident but my nerves were still there. I talked to my AZ family as they were having a BBQ together and it made me really sad. I miss my parents. I miss my dog. I miss my sisters. And man, I miss my nieces and nephews. Trav and I had made plans to drive out to AZ on my week off but if I didn't pass the HESI I wouldn't be able to go since the retake was scheduled for the following Monday. I started panicking that I wasn't going to be able to see them. I was panicking that I wouldn't pass the test. I was doubting myself, my knowledge, abilities, and confidence. My dad sent me a reassuring text that I definitely needed to see. His text said, 

" Remember why you are studying. There are some special kids out there who need & want a nurse like you. Do this for them. Be excited about helping them."

Dads always know what to say! And guess what?! I passed the HESI...with flying colors! When my screen popped up that it was tallying my score, I almost went into cardiac arrest. Literally. I was sitting there telling the screen in my mind that I just wanted to see my dog and praying for an 801. And what do you know, it pops up that I scored a 1050! Wooo!!! Passed! Done with Med-surg!!! Thank you Lord! What a great feeling that was! 

Yesterday was my last med-surg clinical at Kindred. I will write about that in a minute though because it was a great day and I just can't leave out any details :-) Until than, thank you for all who were praying for my test!

Where did time go?!

I will start by recapping last weeks clinical at Kindred. Overall, it was a really great day. I decided to make sure I chose two patients that were alert & oriented. Sometimes it is nice to be able to converse with my patients instead of talking to them while they are comatose and unable to response as I jabber away. I was assigned to give my pre-breakfast, 0730, medications to this adorable lil French woman. I just know that back in her younger years she was a feisty, french gal with an attitude and a style to turn heads. She is 91 and four foot nothing. I headed in to perform my initial assessment and she was sleeping....let me rephrase that: She was out cold! I could not wake her up. My response was to panic but her vitals were fine, so I tried not to. When my instructor came in to give the medication, I still was unable to wake her. I mean, I was in her face saying," Goodmorning! I need to have you wake up for a few minutes! Rise and shine!" We were rubbing her shoulders and everything. No response. After a good 15 minutes, my instructor smiled at me through her eyes and said, 'Well, keep trying" and left the room. I know she was laughing inside trying to think of how I was going to wake this lady up. Eventually, I did.

My second patient was this pleasant older man. He recently had a gall bladder infection, with stones present, and had a t-tube in place that drained from the site. I know this is going to sound sick so bear with me but the bile that was draining was really cool. Gross, I know. I usually don't like the whole bodily fluids, blood & guts deal but I was really excited to drain his tubing. He was sweet to talk to and he told me all about his six kids. I enjoyed the day with him. And, I hung an IVPB in the afternoon and nailed it. Whew! It felt good.

Tomorrow is my last clinical day at Kindred. I was bummed to originally be placed at this site but I've learned alot and grown even more as a nurse, all because of the people I encountered there. The nurses are great and I will truly miss them. Janet, one of the favorites, had Vanessa, Gem, and I pose for a picture on her camera so she would remember us. If only they knew the impact they have had on our lives and how much they have taught us in these past 9 weeks.

Tomorrow will be my last day to show my teacher I am skilled and competent at passing meds. She will observe me performing a head to toe assessment in under five minutes. And, at the end of the day, she will give me my one-on-one evaluation. Weird to think tomorrow is the end of this clinical term for Med-Surg but very thankful for these past 9 weeks. I can only hope I made a difference in someone's life at Kindred.