Who Am I ( Blacklight hands)

I have always loved this song by Casting Crowns. When I saw this video I had to share it!

Enjoy!!

Everything I Need

I was silly. I was unrealistic. I worked it up in my mind a little too much. I was not thinking about God's timing. I'm working on not being disappointed. I'm working on being patient. I'm working on letting go of the whole timing thing.

I threw myself a pretty nice pity party this morning. Partly because it's about to be that "time of month", partly because I just needed a good, solid cry, and partly because I built what this would be like up in my mind for 2 years only to have it be different. The end of nursing school wasn't supposed to be like this.

For 2 years we have talked and prayed about the end of nursing school. It would finally mean our life can move ahead again. For two years we have waited and taken steps back while everyone around us took steps forward. But it was ok. It was hard but it was ok because there was this light at the end of the tunnel, January 30, then end of school. 

I made a huge mistake. I had this unrealistic, almost fairytale like, picture of how this would be. I would finish school, we would find a place to live, we would get a puppy, I would get a job, and within a few months we would be expecting our first child. Was I crazy? Maybe it was all the diet dr. pepper! Coming back to the real world, as you can imagine, nothing has unfolded like that. In fact, nothing has changed. Which is normal. But not in my crazy, fantasy world mind.

Instead, we are finding ourselves being hit left and right with unexpected bills yet there is no second income coming in yet. I have been rejected from 9 new graduate programs here, in Colorado, and in Texas. ( Now, a part of that is because I haven't even taken my state boards and these days a hospital could give less about you if you are not official. Also, I don't have my BSN.) But getting those rejection emails still blows regardless. We are no closer to having a place to live of our own again, owning a pup, and let alone even think of a baby.I've been frustrated. A little mad. Very disappointed. I've ignored the encouraging words from my family and Trav, letting them disappear out the other ear without every digesting them. Trav sends me frequent texts or whispers to me when I'm falling asleep at night, " Our time will come. Just trust, Emma. We will be blessed, we are blessed, we just have to wait." I couldn't ask for a sweeter and more encouraging husband yet as he is reminding me this in my mind I'm saying, " You want me to be patient longer? Wait longer? Why can't we be blessed now the way I want to be blessed? Let's just make our own plan."

And than the Fish plays a song, one I have heard so many times but never really paid attention to, and I find myself convicted right than and there as I have been many times before. We are more blessed than we could even imagine. We have life pretty good all because of Jesus. That's all, and I mean all, that matters. We don't need more money, we don't need our own place to live, we don't need to have the best job, and we don't need all the stuff. But we do need a life filled with Jesus. We need His love, His grace, and His intervention. All of the things I was worried about or wanted to fall into place are just things to fill our life with.

It's going to be a challenge to let it all go, but from here on out there is nothing Trav or I need except for Jesus, filling us completely in every aspect of our lives. And when it is finally our timing, it's going to be better than great because we have waited, trusted, and let go. Wherever we live next whether it be a house, apartment, or a cardboard box I will cherish it that much more because of this waiting time in our lives right now. When the Lord decides to bless us with a puppy or a baby I will cherish every moment a hundred times more. When I am given a nursing position I will work that much harder, be that much more compassionate, and that much more thankful. When Trav is finally promoted we will be that much more grateful for the new hours and the new salary.

It's so comforting to know we are not in this alone. And I'm excited to wait and see the Lord's plan unfold.

Josh Wilson "Savior, Please"

While listening to the Fish while writing a careplan, this song came on. Love the Fish...love Josh Wilson's music....love how lyrics speak to me.

So, Lord, as I head into my last week of school please hold me. Don't let me forget why I have been working so hard and what I am working towards. Remind me daily why I am here and how this life is nothing compared to the eternity I will have with you one day. Hold Trav and I as we wait to see where life leads us.

I Will Follow

The Fish always seems to provide me with my weekly songs. And they always come at just the right moment where I know God is using the lyrics to speak directly to me. However, this song hasn't just stuck around for my weekly song, it's been much longer.

If you haven't heard "I Will Follow" by Chris Tomlin I am attaching the link below so you can. It's wonderful. Right now Trav and I are at an odd place. I'm finishing school. Trav is on the verge of being promoted. I'm figuring out my specialty. Trav is figuring out his lifelong career. We are still living at home. But in 10 or so weeks all of this could/will change. Where will we be in February you may ask? I don't know. Actually, I don't have the slightest idea. We could be right here in Brea. We could be in South County. Trav could be at Target. I could be at Choc. Trav could be coaching. I could be in Labor and Delivery working. We could be in San Diego, Arizona, Colorado, St. Louis, or Maine for all that matters. We have no idea what our future holds and it is slightly scary but really exciting.

It's easy for Trav and I to talk about "our" plans. Because we always know what's best for us, right? Ha. We have definitely learned that when praying for our future, it means letting go of our worries, concern, doubt, wonderment, and our own plans while laying it at the Lord's feet and saying, " Here. Lead us. Guide us. Place us where YOU have planned for the two of us to be." Yikes that is hard. It's taken a year and a half for Trav and I to be able to pray that with peaceful minds and a calm heart as we truly do trust He will lead us. There hasn't been a morning or an evening of each day for the past 1 1/2 years where we haven't joined together to pray for what's to come after nursing school. Trav always ends our prayers with, " Lord, let us follow you. Guide us to where you need us to be. " It's those words that Trav lifts up that either let me fall asleep with a restful mind or start my day with encouragement. The Lord is good and I know His plan for our life is going to be great whatever it may be.

It's interesting how we have grown over this time I've been in school. There were days I really doubted our future and was insistent about "my" plan. Than there were days Trav was worried and had his own plan in mind. But somewhere in the midst of all the nightly talks, the internet searching, the Concordia Chapel chats, and most importantly the prayers, we both came to one solid ground with only one thing for certain: It's not our plan and we want to openly with a gracious heart seek for what God has planned for us. It's exciting. Don't get me wrong though, I still freak out. I like to have things planned out and the unknown tends to freak me out big time. However, John Tesh told me the other morning ( Yes, he too speaks directly to me) " Never fear the unknown with a known God."

So we will work on not fearing the unknown. And we will continue to pray for His plan to unfold. (Sooner rather than later, Lord! ;) ) We do ask that you keep us in your prayers over these next 8 weeks. Nursing school has not just been something I've been going through. Trav has been every bit as deep into it as I have been and little does he know these last 8 weeks are going to be one heck of a ride! :-) But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Please pray that we are able to keep our focus on God's plan and the amazing things He has in store for us in this upcoming year. And that we never loose site of wanting to follow where He leads.

Amazed

This morning Trav and I taught Kindergarten Sunday school. A fresh batch of kiddos, new curriculum, and a great start to a new Sunday school year! It's surprising how much WE learn from teaching the kids and taking in what they can teach us. I always leave these Sundays with a restored childlike faith because there is just something so powerful, so pure, and so eager about it that we should never loose site of it.

We came back this evening to the night service called Engage. We really enjoyed it tonight. It was entirely unexpected that we went, but a totally God thing. We took my Aunt Katie to dinner at Ricardos, which is close to church. Afterward we pulled out of the parking lot and Trav looked at the clock. He said nonchalantly, " well we could make it to Engage." I didn't even hesitate with my response of "yes". Although we were a few minutes late we snuck in the back and listened to a message that we both needed to hear. It was on rest and keeping the Sabbath day holy. Lately, Trav has been overworked and I have been crammed with school work. Sometimes we forget that we need time to not only rejuvenate ourselves but also our faith. After all, God worked hard for 6 days and than rested. It makes sense that we as Christians do the same....with our working lives and our faith. At the end of the message they passed out paper for all of us to make a commitment to rest and rejuvenate. Trav and I each wrote out ways we can rest, rejuvenate, and encourage each other each week. We sealed it off with a prayer, committing this to the Lord. Afterward, we chatted outside with some friends, leaders we used to work with in the youth department, and some new faculty. It was just what we needed. Trav was asked to lead a small group session for some of the youth males. I think he will be excellent at it. I would love to pursue that as well with the gals but my school schedule just doesn't allow time for me that works with a high school youth schedule. I also really love our church family. Being a member of the Lutheran church my whole life it really is a small world. Everyone has known me since I was a toddler and watched me grow up. They watched as Trav and I met, dated, and than began our journey of marriage. It is so comforting having people from all areas of the church and school life come up to chat with us or check in to see how we are doing with all the transitions in our life and let us know that they are supporting us and praying for us. It is such a comfort and we are pretty blessed with the church family we have.

This song was sung in church tonight and I have been humming it since we got home. I love the lyrics and hope you enjoy listening to it as well!

Healing Begins - Tenth Avenue North - w/lyrics

Another one of my favorite artists and songs! I often hear a song that really means something to me and I hang on to it, playing it over an over! I go through "songs of the week". This one is this weeks and I just love it.

Music was always my passion and I miss it. It was a way for me to express myself. Music makes me feel and moves me. One of these days I will find a way to be involved with something musically again. Until than, I will just soak up the good music that is out there.

Be strong in the Lord....

I LOVE this song! I blast it when it comes on the Fish! Hope you enjoy it as much as I do :)

The words are so powerful, reassuring, and comforting.

"Don't forget why you are here. Take your time and pray"

Behind the Music

I have loved this song for awhile. It helped me see through some tough things that were changing around me. I fell in love with it even more when I dug deeper to see what the inspiration behind the song was. It's amazing. It still makes me cry every time I watch the videos but well worth it! There are more videos you can google that continue on the family's story.

Enjoy! The song is wonderful....the story is miraculous.